LA ART SUCKS

How to use Hate

After work my body feel asleep mad at the world. The rest of me could not process greater intelligence than words like stupid, shit, hate, fuck, damn, hit, kick, kill, stab, crunch, shoot, bang, bark. In the last 10 seconds before sleeping i experience the doubt that great people suffer: "what if im wrong". I go to sleep, not thinking anymore. I wake in 1 hour. I have no feelings for anything until i hear horns outside in streets and i know stupid protesters are advertising anti-war propaganda. I hate them and I hate all political action people express. This is first feelings my body register after awake. When people are first knowing me and tell them I hate people, they say "Song Kwai, i dont believe you, you are nice, I think you are fascinated by people" - yes of course im fascinated.  fascinated by movies they watch, jobs they work, reasons they fuck, reasons they love, jokes they tell, images that make them cry, flirting habits, how they speak, how ego is created, how they desire, why they dream - im fascinate by the everything human 2.0. and everything disgust me soo much i feel snot coming from nose and liquid puss seeping from eyes, i feel only hatred for everything and anything world creates, all human ambition. I am the idiot who doesn't understand the world and like jean-genet wrote " a world that reject me, I reject". and for 10 seconds before sleeping it scares me. i barley know how use rejection. How to use Hate.  It makes me feel like a virgin. like first time having sex and thinking "oh my god this is happening. its happening". Its happening. Its happening. I will go and go and go (i dont know what happens next).

pubic hair for postmodern pussies

There are to many postmodern pussies. Everything is good to them. Fuck that. They are like whores. Take everything they get. Only fascist understand love now. maybe terrorist if they can keep their bombs inside asshole and gut. No actually terrorist are stupid to. but maybe stupid is good. My heart now sour like sartre in nausea. no, no maybe better describe with flat pessimism of  Yoshihiro Tatsumi,  laughter of donnie darko at end of movie and the chainsaw of batemen in american psycho. Lets throw in hate  from rape scene in irreversible and with the patience of Michael Haneke holding u by ballls, tickling you slowly. do u like. u game.

I go to Blum and Poe last weekend and it was so bad. is there hope for BP? tonight i made letter to them and will send in morning. im sending them my pubic hairs for being assholes and show mary popping idiot. gangsta artist. artist need to learn from black people how to thug.

   

google + doggy + fat

I find this in my  analytics. I hope he find right position that makes both happy

No word from Blum and Poop after 2 days.

clown hookers and spanish fascism

When life works. I take. Before i can look for more girls on internet, like craigslist date with art teacher, girl found me on myspace last week. I thought it fake girl who sends spam but no she was real, latin with pretty face and with sexy smile. She sends message "Hey, you seem really interesting (yeah, of course i think)...I go to blah blah school. do you paint (ok, fuck before i kill, thats what american psycho teach me). I love going to art shows (maybe its one of the cunts i talk shit about, with high brown boots and black silky dresses). If white girl was amazing, i imagine latin internet girl burn my dick off. So message for 3 days.  she is sociology and humanitarian. I hate already and i can imagine how good hate fucking her would feel so i get excited. If people did more hate fucking, the world of sports would fall apart, less crime, less drug use, less anger in streets. Hate fucking may be contemporary version of the word "passion". she tells me of underground bar in k-town. Does the bitch think im korean and trying to impress. God this hate fuck is going to be God. The problem is i want to go see art show and not take her so i tell her i have dinner with friend leaving country and we meet around 9. 8th street latina agrees. The weekend is filled with brown people. I see article about spanish artist in downtown and i think FASCIST. The article is talking about explosions and big picture ideas. Fascism. Spain had fascism.  I get happy so happy. Fascism and hate fucking in one night. Los angeles maybe afterall. I show at deSoto gallery and many white people of course, some hippies but mainly nerd computer looking people. WTF! Everyone look happy and drunk and my dreams of fascism fade. fascism requires more suffering. It requires a different image, a different picture than good times of success. Its too early for the heart to stop living now. I walk around and walk out and head to my latin social worker i k-town. After text messages i meet her outside of R-Bar. I almost died. She look like clown hooker from horror movie. I cannot describe my embarrassment. I almost died. Just recite in head "clown hooker" Hate fuck is to soft a feeling, maybe fuck murder. Some women don't deserve to live. Just as there are men who deserve to live impotent everyday of life. i don't know which one is worst a dead women or a worthless man. We give code "shuffle truffle" to get into bar. Its very dark and i order whiskey shot with beer, and she gets girly drink. when she goes to restroom i start talking to white girl next to me. Clown hooker returns and after enough drinks i start charm and she ready to suck dick in car but i want to hate fuck, but she tell me things that make typical Catholic girl but not sure...maybe Catholic whore like music videos. In car i take home drunk and walk up stairs in to room and start feeling on big boobs and round ass. I get more aggressive and pin down while touching her outside her black stockings and i feel warmth of cunt and rub harder and kiss harder bittting lower lip while controlling arms down. STOP! Wat! Ok. I play gentlemen and wait for attack. then we start and stop. then start and stop. If only hitting someone was a symptom of territ. So i talk to catholic girl who says she never been with rough person like me and she scared but excited and she like me and many bullshit that my heardick called stop. My brain say get dick suck before all go bad. So i tell her lets go back to her car so we call it night. She feels bad now, she a bad women for not giving man dick time. She feels like bad whore, bad clown hooker. Now its easy to get dick suck. I drop her at car and she kisses and i bit softly and after minute she go down and unzip 140 dollar jeans and suck song kwai li's dick. She so bad i think of cute Japanese girls sucking my dick, giggling and happy with big bulging innocent eyes that make man feel like a good man, a gentlemen.  No more hate fuck. No more reality. Just pure fantasy with clown hooker lips on my dick.

a dickless dick for curators

I get phone call from curator in New York today. we started conversation in email 4 months ago. She listen but not really. I send cd and dvd and she look and sent email. But email says nothing. So i send blog last thursday. she read. she calls me today. Hi.

Most curators are annoying mid 30 something women. i dont know why. maybe they get fatter and uglier. They are losing life. Maybe they are just losing. One thing for sure. They want dick. Or pussy, whatever makes saggy clit happy. Between smart talk they learn in college and lonely bed time reading they just say "fuck me please". Im ok with sex economy. Like old rich man with young bimbo. Dont pretend is Love. Dont pretend is art. Dont pretend your smart. Its only dick and pussy. please don't write a novel.

Ok, sorry. me and midwife white curator talk on phone. She started gallery two years ago, maybe after husband stop giving dick (i found she married in conversation). She ask me stupid questions like most curators do. She sound sexy over phone. but internet photo says slightly different. My dick is confused. But i try to answer questions but i say words that sound arrogant and i try to make up by jumping into a sex analogy "talking about  work makes me feel like being in middle of sex and thinking about sex. is everything working? is she having good time. you know it doesn't work..." ....Ok. she laughs and very hard. Great! She want dick or maybe my art to make money (yes, lets have sex and money, we dont have love). I dont say but i will show her when i go to new york in January. Yes, dick is most powerful when there is no dick in dick but only stiff blood. Too much dick man, man confuses with love. Man is weak.

I hope she gives me show after reading this (hi)

Bombs on Bergamont strip

Someone should bomb Bergamont station in middle of parking lot. Maybe we dont call art.  So I'm no Joe deutsch screaming bataillan primordial cock from nerve of unconscious blah blah fuck. Maybe its only terrorism. Cold ball of smoke. Nothing more.  I dont know it  but maybe the only exciting thing in LA. I do know it's more punk than show i see  at track 16 by anna summa. Fucking show called "los angeles: photographs" Fuck u. Fuck naming conventions of art world. Fuck u i go back to gallery and steal all your photographs and reselll in underground art market. Fuck u. What punk does this generation have? What generation does this generation have? Who cares about history. its autistic anyway.

And here we are. So i see other show by something johnson at big fat man's gallery who i hear is big asshole and pervert (like most fat men with small dicks) and has fetish with asian women (i notice many white men do) Patrick Painter Gallery.   Show not bad. i dont believe it. maybe why big fat man gets dick suck by little Asian girls he hires at front desk. He did buy bas jan ader works. ok. i look for him but not find. i do come across artist and i tried talking to him, but he 1 foot bigger than me and talks like andy warhol, but more gay and nervous. and he leaves me. of course. So walk around and see vernacular show. vernacular means u steal off american apparel but less sex and gloss. Fuck u. Someone go poop in front door of gallery. Next i see hip-hop show. No black people. 2 latin people. I hate graffiti art. Americans are stupid and love. they think its punk. its sooo cool. so "urban" i write with crayon on wall. haha. im urban. idiots. they should hang suicide knots in parks, lots of suicide knots in parks. Thats real graffiti. fuck aesthetics. if you painter and reading this i want u to die. Please go way. this world no longer meant for "expression" or "meaning". No more. die. Dont give me your feelings. not even indifference. Ill smash u like fire extinguisher in irreversible movie. Dont give. only die.

Miranda July dance godess and vagina in the black beret

No more art shows this week. Maybe no more art shows ever. Maybe just alcoholic dancing and girls in berets with nice smiles on small waists with pin strips to cover sexy belly where pants began, buttons undone and warm touch starts. come back to me. or just come to me. where is muse that make man kiss with lips and not with dick. (I make u happy i promise).

So close. Almost there. Not really. Where are u? Alone for thanksgiving i I put 1 more add on craigslist
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/m4w/486614233.html but no one reply after 2 days (ok). Restless with no vagina for dick and no vagina for heart i call friend to help me hunt adventure. Can u feed dick life without vagina. Maybe, but u let me know that story.

Friend take me to Junior high dance party. wat i tell her? Its a dress up party Song Kwai? How i dress, i wear uniform? Wear a tie and nice shirt, and do your hair like a little boy (Oh ok). I dont look like when i was in elementary school and we didn't have dances. I hope not to see Brittney spears sluts. Dick needs more women with more style. We arrive on hewitt street in arts district of los angeles, not to far from craiglist art teacher. Maybe i run into her and she can seduce me again. Already drinking before party, my friend and i go after big cups of vodka inside. Many cute girls dancing, ok, maybe like 5 cute girls dancing but some walking too. I drink 2 cups fast so i can start dancing with girl with precious moves like miranda july movie. Drinking make me a good dancer so i drag my friend to dance floor to help me with miranda july dance god. she size 6 girl (or 5 depending on jeans), about 3 inches smaller than me with tight blue jeans, 80s top, short dirty brown hair and dances clumsy sexy. Forget amelie  u just need video of this girl dancing forever. After 4 vodkas I talk to her and after minutes i find she lesbian. Actually, her girlfriend tell me she lesbian. (ok ok, i go - u sure no want dick?). Confused. I feel stupid. I feel cheated.  I liked the way she talked. I think of every word she said and how just seconds ago my stomach was stirring dick with excitement and my eyes kissing her cheeks. I wanted. I want. Ill give u something bigger than my dick. I promise.

Drunk, i forget about muse and i  get pbr beer. drunk. My accent is getting worse. I talking like way i write. But then i find white punk girl with berret looking at me on dance floor but she look 18, maybe 20 at most (but i look 22). Maybe she lesbain too. she wants to dance but is only looking. I motion her to start dancing  with me (opps i step on toes). She not as cute but is cute. She has cuteness but doesn't know how to use yet. After many glances, smiles and some words I think she too young to know me, to know my art, to know song kwai li, to know why man chooses girl. when thoughts like these hit my head (usually when drunk) i forget girl as muse and see nothing else but vagina. a women that doesn't inspire man is simply a vagina. A man that doesn't inspire a women is a pussy.

So i make move on my vagina. Dance closer on hip hop song and reach for her waist and dance like black man in rap video. She blushes surprised as friend looks over and is laughing. Im laughing too. Am i joking or am i real about humping her leg? I dont know the answer so she backs off a little. I move closer. Just enough not to scare. Then the song changes and sucks. So ask her if she wants beer and ask her to follow me. I dont want to waste time. I dont want to hear her words. I just want dick time. So we get beer  and exchange some of words about how we hear of party where we live, blah blah and then i get feeling like 1 more beer and dick will fall asleep, so i just say during a pause of conversation.  " Lets go makeout (haha, maybe blow job), u can bring beer if u want"  ""wat" she gives small nervous laugh "yeah, common" I grab her hand and motion her outside. we walk 3 steps, i turn around and smile at her. She still holding beer. I left mine on table. "where" she says. I dont hear first time and ask her again. "where u want to go?" "uhh, i have car. or my house, if u want." That second she realize she was only vagina to me. That second she was hoping i was more than just dick to her. She prolly dont know how to use a dick without feelings. She lets go of my hand and says Im sorry and walks back to main room.  She wanted to tell more things. She wanted to hear more things of me. She wanted to be muse for man. muse for life. Oh well, I just wanted her to be my vagina.